I would not know if it were just me, but you see these ‘grams’? It is not connecting with the local Kogi boy that I am.
These ‘grams,’ Instagram and Telegram is not connecting at all, even though I have tried my best possible to get a grip of it.
When I eventually signed up on Instagram towards the end of last year (after much pressure), the first thing that shocked me was how beautiful everyone looked. Without any form of exaggeration, everyone looked clean, colourful, and packaged.
The second thing that shocked me was how everyone appeared to have made it in this life.
Thirdly, I followed someone who had been owing me for close to three years now. All efforts to recover my money from him has consistently proved abortive.
To my utter stupefaction, this person shared a video of himself on Instagram ‘spraying’ crisp Naira notes at a party. I could not believe my eyes.
After I watched the video thrice, I had no choice but to drop a comment which reads; ‘well done, boss. Please pay me my money.’
Instantly, he blocked me.
Thereafter, I simply moved the Instagram App to the ‘Freezer’ folder on my phone where I pay it a visit once in a month, that is if I even remember.
My experience with Telegram is not much different. Though there has been so much noise about how unique Instagram is, I never signed up until about three weeks ago, reason being that I registered for an online class.
Unfortunately, It was after I had made payment that the facilitator informed me that the online class would hold on Telegram, hence the reason why I had to sign up. (I was left with no choice).
The first shock was the warm private messages that I received from friends and some contacts that were on Telegram. Wait a minute, how on earth did they get to know I had signed up on Telegram?
It was much later that I learnt contacts on my phone who were on Telegram got notified the moment I signed up. (You see why I said I am a local boy abi?). Anyways, that was how my ‘undercover mode’ got busted.
The second shock that I got was how crowded the Telegram class was. We were about 689 persons who registered for that class.
Just as I was about to settle in, the instructor asked us to introduce ourselves with an attached photograph. While some persons introduced themselves with photos that could easily pass for a passport photo, others introduced themselves with photos that is befitting of an almanac or bet9ja billboard.
Since I did not want the money that I paid to go to waste, yours sincerely sat through the horrendous introductory sessions, and after we were done, I decided to give myself some few hours break to attend to some pressing issues.
Dear brothers and sisters in the Lord, by the time I got back to the Telegram class, I had 5,265 unread messages with several other persons still typing.
I do not understand.
Where do I start reading from?
Right there, I sent a private message to the facilitator, informing him that I was backing out of the online class due to some unforeseen circumstances. When he asked what would happen to the registration fees that I paid, I told him I was converting it to a donation to assist in the growth and development of the online class. He thanked me profusely. I also told him that the 5,265 unread messages within a few hours threw me off balance. What I failed to tell him was how the Telegram class reminded me of the overcrowded GNS/GST classes during my university days.
Thereafter, I jejely moved the Telegram app to the Freeze folder on my phone, where it’s currently chilling with its colleague, Instagram.
Who knows? I may just pay it a visit whenever I remember, besides, why will I want to have 2 chat apps on my phone?
Anyways, just in case you see Zuckerberg anywhere around, please help me tell him I am still comfortable with his Whatsapp.
Written by John Olugbemi.