Here is what’s next after marriage, first of all congratulations on being married. Do you know every Nigerian girl in her early, mid and late twenties is programmed to think of marriage. It is all about “the dream man” who should sweep her off her feet. It is always tall, good-looking and very rich that seems to be the prized man for a husband.
In this present world no girl wants to suffer not even the girl who was born into suffering. In fact, marriage has become an organisation where girls struggle to get employment and many girls have made a career out of it. Behind the scenes of attaining the married status is the constant fight, backbiting and back stab between friends, acquaintances, runs girls and cheerleaders with many followers.
The guys are not any different neither are they left out in the bid to become married. Most times they see themselves as gods lending a helping hand to a lady in distress. They see their marriage proposal as the key to the gate of heaven and consider any girl they propose to, lucky to be the one blessed enough to becomes their wives. This mentality is rampant among the overly wayward wise men, the older men, the promiscuous men, the overly religious men and the financially comfortable men.
Moreso, the society is not left out of this marriage craze, according to our culture you are not a responsible man until you tie the knot and you are not respected as a woman until you are married. It is often believed that a man who does not know how to manage his immediate family cannot manage any sensitive position or be the head of any organisation. Charity, they say begins at home. It is also often believed that a woman who stands up for herself cannot be controlled by a man and therefore is not worthy of marriage.
Oh! And lest I forget, there are young people who marry for love and a daily dose of sex, they think it is always a happy ending like we have in fairy tale movies. Some even marry to escape the constant scold of their parents so that they can do as they please.
Then the last group but not the least, are those people who marry for the right reasons. Right reasons? Is there such a thing as right reasons in making that pertinent decision? Yes, but let us not deviate from what comes after the wedding.
We all get married be it for wrong or right reasons and the day of the celebration is the best day ever in our lives. We are adorned in beautiful and stunning attires with our designer hair cut and lovely suit for the men to a lovely wedding dress, fixed artificial nails, artificial eyelashes, contact lens, Brazilian or Peruvian hair or braids and a total make over for the women. The woman looks like a princess with a tiara on her hair as a symbol of royalty.
Looking good on the day of the wedding does not mean that every day after the wedding party, we will be driven in a chariot or a car around town with maids in waiting to attend to our every need. So, you are married and here are the major things you should expect:
- Incessant Quarrels: Plenty of quarrels with your spouse, you both live in the same space now and you are both coming from different psychological and sociological background, so the fight is on, everybody gets irritated with something and one of you might not just be able to cope with that attitude or lifestyle of your partner. At this point both parties have dropped the pretence of being overly nice or understanding, it is now a daily affair and the mess might just be too much for one spouse to take. So the quarrel comes on frequently and if both of you are immature it could last for days or weeks or even months.
- Diverging Opinions and Taste: He does not like your native soup, get over it. It is not a big deal and you cannot force him to like it, same way he can’t force you to like pizza. Point is, you won’t agree on somethings and sometimes you might disagree on everything. The truth is you are both unique in your way and even though the two has become one, you still have your personality just like identical twins with different behaviours. This is when you will discover your difference in opinions on matters of principles, national affairs, sports, entertainment and even something as tiny as where the spoons should be kept or where the pictures should be placed. But cheer up over time you will both rub off your personality on each other. And for those wondering whatever happened to courtship where these differences ought to be discovered, do not be deceived courtship can never show you the true picture of what to expect in marriage.
- It Is Not Rosy: After the wedding splash brace up for the time of famine, things won’t be as rosy as it was while dating. Reason is you have spent a lot of money within a short time to throw a lavish wedding. The man wanted to give you the best and make your dream come true just to see that smile on your face and you in turn wanted to have a good time. Sometimes, it is the other way round, it is the man who wanted the lavish wedding. It does not matter, all I am saying here is do not expect you will go clubbing every weekend like you used to do before the wedding, do not expect that you will eat out like you used to do before the wedding. No, after the wedding comes to the time to be prudent, to gather enough resources to build a family. The expenses will be high especially if you were both living in your family house or with a house mate or flat mate before the marriage. The realty is you have manage your resources to build a great home and limit or totally eliminate guests from visiting until you are up on your feet again. Also know that your lifestyle will never be the same. Realty is you have to create time for your spouse and you cannot take a break from the marriage.
- Management Skills: It flows from the last point, whether you are wealthy or not, if you cannot manage your resources or plan your home properly then it is all the same. You will forever be overwhelmed from the cost of feeding to the cost of paying bills and buying your basic necessities. If you have no skill at all in management, ask people around or take a course in management. The reality is you have to manage your spouse, manage your finances, manage your relationships with each other’s family members, manage your relationships with each other’s friends and so on.
- Babies: The babies would come sooner than expected, more often than not, we are never ready for this. We are either too busy chasing our dreams or we are ignorant of the responsibility that comes with having a baby. Be ready, a baby comes with emotional, financial and physical responsibility. From the time of conception comes the strain on your health and freedom until the time of delivery which comes with sleepless nights, strict routine and the necessity to pay attention to details. Men must be involved, just as the banks have the Know Your Customer ( KYC) policy, marriages also have the Know Your Baby (KYB) policy. Also at this point that blissful time you shared together is cut short. You are always tired, stressed out and at times even upset. Sometimes, the responsibly of having a child is so overwhelming that the woman loses all sense of existence. Be prepared for this stage of the marriage as the knowledge of it will make you glide through it.