I have never been wanted on this earth, the only time I remembered being wanted was when I was a bird in the sky, before I was formed in my mother’s womb. My fellow baby birds loved me and wanted me to stay. But I was greedy, I wanted to see the other side of the world. To feel like the humans and love like the humans and now I am stuck with them. Each passing day was hellish. My mother was nursing a 6months old baby and she was 3months pregnant, she took all forms of substance to abort me but I refused to be flushed out. I stayed calmly while she furiously looked for a solution to her bulging tummy and her disfigured shape. I held on even when it looked like I would have been flushed out any minute from there. My father raped her mercilessly even though they were married, I could still remember the day she calmly narrated the story to her best friend.
“I loved him but he raped me, I thought he would never stop. It was raw and painful. I screamed and clawed at his face but he wouldn’t stop. It looked like he was possessed by a demon. I hate him and I feel like I am carrying a child of the devil.”
“Stop right there, it can’t be that bad. Children are gifts from God.” Her friend scolded.
“It is, he said he wanted to have sex after abstaining for 8months. I told him I was not ready, he grabbed me from behind, tore my panties and pinned me down with his bulk. I am so ashamed.” My mother said.
I moved a little to tell her how sorry I am, but what I got was scolding.
“Ehn this child won’t kill me, must it kick at all times.” She groaned tapping her tummy to signify her discomfort.
I stayed quietly afterwards, cramped in my corner.
Then the D-day arrived, I was born and, no one seemed particularly pleased with my arrival, before then they had been series of arguments between my parents. My elder sister was not too pleased, the attention was not enough for both of us.
There was this day, she almost drowned me because I cried.
“Mommy she cries all the time and it makes you sad so I sent her to a happy place.” My elder sister said.
My mother was furious with her and she got spanked. After that incident she never so much as breathed a word to me. She stared at me with distaste and each time I tried to learn new stuffs from her she always shunned me.
I carried on in the house unnoticed it. My Father would have loved me but he was disappointed with my sex. He wanted a boy and I was a girl.
“I had to force myself into you to fulfil the requirements of the myth that a male child is gotten from raw sex while female child is a love child.” He once said to my mother by way of explanation on his behaviour for my conception. They unashamedly discussed me as if I was non-existent.
Everyone in that little town of ours knew I was never wanted by my parents. I was called the accidental child and my mother could not bear the thought of staring at me. I never suckled on my mother’s breast, she hurriedly handed me over to a wet nurse when I was born. One look at me and my Father spat out.
“Why aren’t you a boy.”