Have you ever felt like the whole world is passing you by? That your peers have all moved on while you are stuck in life. That’s the feeling I had each time I bumped into my peers. Each time I am told of their success story, a pile suddenly forms in my mouth and it becomes so hard for me to swallow my saliva. A deep pain from within my intestines churns my stomach like I have already been condemned to hell. Some call it jealousy, others call it envy. For what its’ what, I was doing so well…
I jolted from my thoughts, quickly erasing the pensive look on my face with a plastic smile. I listened more closely to the words of Mother.
‘The members of the National Assembly have made their move to impeach the Senate President.’
Seated in the living room, my children looked on with rapt attention on the TV, I disliked it when they watched politics. There was a commercial break from the news and I seized the opportunity.
‘Children go to your room’ I said.
They slowly marched out of the living room, cursing under their breathe unwilling to openly disobey me.
‘If only you had listened, I told you that you were too rigid but you insisted on doing things your own way. See what has happened now.’ Mother said.
She clutched her pearls as if that would give her some magic. I wondered what it was with women and politics, why couldn’t they just get their acts together and rule this great nation- Nigeria. It was always one thing or another. I had little interest in the details of the news. It said something about inability of the Senate President to execute her duties.
Mother believed that I would be the first Female President of Nigeria and she never passed an opportunity to make this clear to me. She worked tirelessly to place me in the right positions and even though she lobbied into getting me there, I always turned her offers down save for one offer I accepted and I have regretted that decision now for eternity. She was infuriated by my decency and ways of doing things. I remembered on night when I saw Mother cried, she tore the clothes off her body and beat her chest frantically cursing.
‘O God why did you take my husband away from me, by now our only child would have done my every bid. I have done all within my might, if only my husband was here to instil some values in her.’
She fell on the floor like a pack of cards, rolling from side to side. I wondered what could possibly have gone wrong, Mother was such a powerful woman, a force to reckon with, she was well respected within the political circles and her aura commanded fear amongst those who disliked her. But that night was different, very different and I saw her differently like a broken woman, a woman who had lost it all. I watched her closely and never left the threshold of her room. In her dreams, she murmured ‘No, I won’t sleep with you again, you did not hold your end of the bargain, no one can save her now. No one. Not even the devil himself.’
Right now there is no stopping it as I stand in the presence of my peers to judge me, my actions and my belief, many want me out for their selfish reasons. The men cannot bear to see me as their leader, they cannot bear the thought of bowing to me, they cannot bear the thought of me having the veto vote and the women are so jealous. I watched my estranged Husband take the lead of the campaign as he addressed the members of the parliament.
‘A woman is meant to be in the kitchen and not in the forefront of the Nation’s politics, she is meant to carter for her children and I speak this from experience, having being married to the Senate President for 6 years, the home is in ruins as the women are struggling for political power, they can’t manage both and at the end we have incompetence in both areas. Senator Nkiruka must go.’
It was only then that the numbness disappeared and I felt a tinge of betrayal but I would not go down without a fight.